Normalizing End of Life Conversations
A Question and Answer session with Christine Grace, Death Doula
National Write your Epitaph day | November 2
written by Brandi McMurry
Photo by Dominik Lange on Unsplash
November 2 is national write your epitaph day. A day on which we strive to tell our life story in just a few words. A lot of people are uncomfortable thinking about their own mortality, but this holiday is a way to embrace our life cycle and honor our legacy. November 2 is also The Day of the Dead, or Día de Los Muertos, a traditional Mexican holiday. On this day, it is believed that the souls of the dead return to visit their living family members. Many people celebrate this day by visiting the graves of deceased loved ones and setting up altars with their favorite foods, drink, and photos according to National Today.
Here at Essential Health, we aim to honor life through all stages. Christine Grace Shoemaker is a Death Doula and explains the importance of honoring our own life, and planning all of its stages, as uncomfortable as it may be for some.
Photo by Miguel Gonzalez on Unsplash
Historically Speaking
In the mid 14th century, the word epitaph first appeared in English meaning, “ A commemorative inscription on a tomb or mortuary monument about the person buried at that site.”
By the end of the 16th century, writing epitaph verses became a poetic trade.
In 1958 Igor Stravinsky composed a two-minute score with harmonized flutes, clarinet, and harp for Prince Maximillion Egon zi Furstenberg titled Epitaphium, which was presented and performed in Prince Furstenberg's honor at his tombstone.
In 1999, scientist Eugene Shoemaker’s ashes and epitaph were flown to the moon making him the first and only man buried on the moon.
Question Answer Session with Christine Grace Shoemaker of Essential Health and Wellness - Death Doula
Photo of Christine Grace Shoemaker, provided by Christine Grace Shoemaker
Q: Since we're honoring plan your epitaph day, how about it, what will be on your epitaph?
A: She had a good heart and lived to help others. Beloved mother, daughter, and friend.
Q: Tell us about yourself :)
A: I’m a 36-year-old single mom who is a bellydancer, reiki practitioner, and a death doula in St. Louis, Missouri.
Q: How did you become so passionate about being a death doula and what led you to this career?
A: I became really interested in the death-positive movement a couple of years ago, when I heard about the Order of the Good Death, and a particular YouTuber named Caitlin Doughty who runs the channel Ask A Mortician. She posts video essays on the deathcare industry and its history, and it drew me in. I had never heard of a Death Doula before, and I began to research it and found a program and dove in!
Q: Can you describe what you do as a Death Doula?
A: I work with the dying and their families to plan for the end of life. I companion them through the process, holding hands and answering questions, and just having conversations. We may do meditations or ritual work to aid in the transition, and set up sacred space. Different families have different needs, and while I may be making legacy projects to hand down the generations with one person, another may want their favorite book read aloud to them. Another family may need information about a home funeral, or washing a body. It is a LOT of research but essentially I help the spiritual transition of the person crossing and also the transition of the family for accepting the coming passing and aftercare for them. It is physical, spiritual, and emotional support for the dying and their families.
Q: In your opinion, why do people need your services?
A: People need to be aware of what goes on at the end of life, and as doulas, we’re here to fill the gap left between medical care and death care. I facilitate difficult conversations and hold space for people in a time that can be really scary. The spirit needs just as much care as the body, especially as the body starts shutting down.
Q: Why is it important to have an end-of-life plan?
A: It gives you control, in an uncontrollable time, is the short answer. It gives power back to the individual, to be able to make decisions at the end of life. It also takes a lot of the burden off of your family and clarifies your wishes.
Q: What is a good age/ appropriate time to consult a Death Doula?
A: Most people approach us after a terminal diagnosis, and that can be at any age. I think even healthy people can benefit from thinking about their end-of-life plans, though, and encourage anyone to reach out at any stage.
Q: For the people who consider this a morbid approach to life, what would you tell them?
A: I think it’s some of the most life-affirming work I’ve ever done. I help people get the most out of what little time they have left. I make everyday moments sacred with someone, and that’s beautiful. I want to help alleviate suffering and break the culture of silence we have around death.
Q: What can clients expect as a result of your services?
A: I offer practical support in daily tasks, as well as spiritual support, and a shoulder to cry on. Clients can expect open and honest conversations. I hope to offer my clients peace and closure.
For a free consultation with Christine regarding her services and how she can help you and yours call or email to schedule Essential Health. Namaste.
Photo of Christine Grace Shoemaker, provided by Christine Grace Shoemaker
Sources:
Epitaphium (Stravinsky) - Wikipedia
" Epitaphium" is a short chamber-music composition by Igor Stravinsky, for flute, clarinet, and harp. The score was…
en.wikipedia.org
